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Assmaster Zero
Rythum Guitar, Bass, Drum Programming
The brains behind the Feces. |
A History of Turdburgling!
The origin of Catapulting Feces are a bit sketchy, however most historians agree that CF's beginnings can be traced to the year 2006
in the little town of Ottawa, Ontario. (Those crazy Canadians!) It was the heyday of metal, and the man known as Harvey Ballwrangler
had had enough of the constipated toned down "metal" that was being force fed into his skull by way of his nether region. He longed
for the healthy nuggets of grindcore and black metal of yesteryear.
He was thinking aboot this while eating his staple diet of Taco Bell employees and sitting on his porcelian throne of death one day.
He found that the right blend of speed, brutal technicallity and incoherant vocals could produce a substance with the consistancy of
strained chicken mixed with lukewarm horseradish paste. "And all is good!" he cried, the term "eureka!" being, well, foreign to him.
On or aboot May 1st, the annual International Day of Purging, he decided to let his hair grow in symbolic tribute to "those who had
crapped before him" and changed his name to Assmaster Zero. Seeing that his vision needed clarity, he promptly threw the mixture
against the only thing visible to him at the time, his comode. Thus, Catapulting Feces was born.
Around the same time, in Cedar Rapids (CRAP), Iowa, Firm Buttstone, completely clogged and hung over from a week of being on a fecal
strike (it's like a hunger strike, but in reverse), smelled something brewing in his basement. Going down to investigate, he noticed
among the kegs of his self made brews (colonics, if you will), a single chunk of an unknown substance that could only have come from
the land of LaBatt Blue. Realizing that his life now had purpose, he joined with Assmaster Zero and recruited the only person able to
give their now combined vision a voice, a Kansan by the name of Captain Colonic.
The circle of shite was now complete. Three complete retards, two countries, one big pile of poo.
CATAPULTING FECES |
